A couple weeks ago I told you about my sugar addiction. I challenged myself to 2 weeks without sugar. Well…. I made it one week. I think a couple things happened. I allowed myself to give up and binge on sugary deserts. They were certainly delicious! But, pretty much right after I regretted it. Instead of getting back on track I thought that since I had the sugar that was the end and I went to town and haven’t stopped since! It’s too easy on a blog, Facebook, Instagram or any other social media sire to portray our lives as perfect. I didn’t want to tell people I couldn’t even make it two weeks, but I didn’t. It’s clearly not the end if the world and there are much worse things that I could be dealing with but I am blogging to be real and keep track my journey getting back into pre baby shape.
Yesterday during my 4 mile run I was gassed. As the run got hard I started thinking to myself ‘theres no way I’ll make it 13 miles in a few weeks’ and I just kept doubting myself and telling myself I was going to fail. I kept thinking about it and I told myself that no matter what I am going to finish that race. I have done the exact race before and I will do it again. Am I horribly undertrained? Yes. That’s my own fault. If I have to trot my way to a 3 hour finish then that is what’s going to happen. The fact that I am undertrained has nothing to do with my recovery from Hudson. It’s just that I haven’t dedicated enough time to running in the past 2 months. The most I’ve run is 4 miles. I’ve trained for races before and I know that’s not the way. What’s different about this time around? Obviously- I’m responsible for another life and he comes first. I also know that when I get out there with Gwen it’s going to be much different than running alone and having no support from anyone else. It’s OK if I walk. It’s OK to take rests. I’m not running this race to win. I don’t run any race to win. I am running for me. I’ll be so proud to say that less than 4 months after my first child I ran a half marathon. toot toot <— yes, I will toot my own horn. did i just say that? haha
So the point of this post was to remind myself that this journey that I am on will have a few bumps in the road. I just hit one with the sugar thing, because I allowed that to happen. I promise that after that race I will be writing about how I finished. Not about how I quit. Sometimes we need reminders that we are strong and that we are in charge of our own lives. For now, I am going to go on happily eating my sugars and try a new approach- moderation.